I sucked today. At everything. Except dinner. Dinner was ok….

Seriously. I woke up tired, tried to shake it, planned a fun and low key day, and just felt battered at every turn.

I let Princess stay home from school (she’s a pre-school truant), and by 9am, I wanted to bring her in.

She was whiny. Monkey was whiny. And I was tired.

We went to the park. There was whining. And I wants. And I just wanted to go home and crawl under the covers.

But I didn’t. I pushed Monkey on the swings (the wrong way…he whined). Watched them play hide and seek. Had a heart attack when Monkey walked over to a bench without telling me in order to “have a fit” (his words- he was actually just sitting quietly) and I didn’t know where he was. Provided snacks. Cleaned up their bikes. And felt guilty that I wasn’t making the most of this beautiful day at the park with my kids.

We had lunch, which was fine. And then nap time which on Tuesday/Thursday nap time is work time. And I am SO not into work right now. I wanted to cry. So I did my 1 interview and lay down and tried to nap. Yes. I actually tried to nap when I was supposed to be working. I’m a badass.

I didn’t sleep.

Around this time, TD was delayed at the airport and I knew I would be alone for yet another evening. Fab.

After naps was swim lessons. Again, I went through the motions and just hated myself for doing so. We drove home and I made a pretty yummy pasta primavera which they actually ate. Hooray for small victories.

Still, I get so angry with myself when I can’t break a funk and enjoy my fabulous toddlers and maybe even turn their whiny days into happy days with my “bucket filling”. I try to remind myself to give myself a break. I’ve got a ton on my plate- moving in 2 weeks, building a house, work, life, a potential career change- some days are going to be overwhelming. But I need to work on not beating myself up on those days. Teach myself to get take out instead of making dinner. To give myself a break on days when I really need one.

I guess I’m a work in progress, but right now I’m going to bed. Tomorrow’s another, much better, day.

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